If your heart doesn’t beat a little faster right before a big meeting with your boss, you might want to check your pulse. That’s because it’s totally normal to get anxious when you have to talk about your own performance and achievements. So a recent study in the journal Psychology of Women Quarterly aimed to find out if women really get more nervous when talking about their own performance and if there was a way to relieve this anxiety. You’ll never guess what actually worked.
The researchers asked half the women to write a personal essay about their own successes and achievements, while other women were told to write about someone else’s accomplishments. As expected, the women who had to write about themselves were less interested in the task and actually performed worse than the rest. But here’s where things get interesting: The researchers also split the women up so some participants were in a room with a big black box that they were told was a subliminal noise generator too high-pitched for them to hear but that would probably make them uncomfortable. In reality, it was just a box.
Shockingly, when women were told about this box, any differences in performance and interest were eliminated between the groups. The implication is that when they were able to attribute their anxiety to some external thing, they didn’t let it get to them and screw them up. “Now, it’s not personal, and the reason they’re anxious isn’t about them,” says Nicole Williams, LinkedIn’s career expert. “As soon as that happens, they’re relieved of the anxiety.”
How To Con Yourself Into Being More Confident
Obviously, you can’t lug a big black box into your boss’ office the next time you want to ask for a raise. But there are other ways you can trick yourself into feeling less stressed about self-promotion. One way is to recognize and dismiss the anxiety, like the women did in this task. “Going into a stressful situation like this, just know that it’s normal to feel anxiety,” says Williams. “You’re not the only one who feels this way, it’s just human nature.”
Another tactic is to attribute your sweaty palms and racing heartbeat to something else. Instead of pinning it on a black box, blame it on a quick pre-meeting workout, says Williams. A quick 10-minute session to get your heart rate up will work. “It doesn’t have to be a sweaty exercise, but just enough to get moving and feel excited,” says Williams. “Then you can tell yourself that energy is attributed to your exercise and not your anxiety.”
Finally, separate yourself a little from the anxiety-provoking task—in this case, asking for a promotion or raise. Instead of focusing on the personal (you want this job, you need this pay bump, etc.), give your boss the objective facts that show you deserve this raise—like that you increased sales, exceeded your goals, or gained a ton of new clients. That way, you won’t feel as anxious about the result, says Williams.
Clearly, talking about our own success is super stressful if it requires trickery to deal with it. But here’s why you need to get over your fears and do it anyway: “If you don’t do it, you’ll go unnoticed, and if you go unnoticed, you’ll go unpromoted,” says Williams. Chances are, your boss is a little too busy to realize all the awesome stuff you’re doing, so it’s your responsibility to give them a reminder.
More From Women’s Health:
The Weird Way Exercise Can Help You at Work
Men and Women Face a Double Standard in the Workplace—and This Gutsy Commercial Calls Us Out on It
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