Whether you work out a lot or not, you definitely know one: The weight-room warrior who accosts you mid-squat to correct your posture; the roommate who Instagrams her thigh gap; the coworker who says (with irritating condescension) that she'd love to try your yoga class but it "just doesn't feel like she's exercising if she's not sweating." And don't forget the humblebraggers littering your social media feeds: "Really shouldn't have run that 18 miler in the rain. #sickasadog."
The fitness craze of the past few years has reached a crescendo, ushering in a new type of know-it-all: the exercise snob. This patronizing person works out harder than you do, knows more about fitness than you do, and looks better doing it than you do—or at least that's how she makes you feel. "Fitness is a part of our culture's definition of success now, so women want to show each other that they've got it figured out," says Los Angeles sports psychologist Sari Shepphird, Ph.D.
In fact, according to a recent Women's Health survey, one in three readers has gotten into an argument about the most effective kind of workout, and 69 percent cop to doling out unsolicited fitness advice to a friend or significant other.
Some fitter-than-thou attitudes can be traced to the recent proliferation of boutique fitness classes and their somewhat cultlike cliques, says Shepphird. The fitness gurus behind these workout trends not only feed into the snobbery but also depend on it to make money. They indoctrinate us with their philosophies, and we quote and retweet them to our friends, taking their words of wisdom as the divine truth. And when you're drinking the Kool-Aid (or, rather, the coconut water), it can become easy to view your pal who works out on the elliptical at the Y with derision. "I run six miles six days a week. But because I don't belong to a running group or do any trendy classes, people almost act like I don't work out!" says Lesley, 37.
Of course it's hard not to feel marginalized by the friend who works CrossFit into every chat, but keep in mind that it's often women who feel insecure about their bodies who tend to pass the most judgment. "It's a self-esteem boost to say, 'I train harder,'" says Shepphird. Your best strategy for dealing with a braggart is to nod, smile, and move on. "They'll eventually get the point," says NYC sports psychologist Leah Lagos, Psy.D. In other words, don't engage or indulge her in conversation. Giving her air time positively conditions her to do it again.
But in the sea of snobs there are plenty of women who are truly proud of their achievements and can't help but share, and others who sincerely just want to help a sistah out. (Hint: A genuine advice giver loves getting tips as much as she gives them.) And while you should feel good about losing 20 pounds or finishing a triathlon, keep in mind that most people don't want to hear about it incessantly—and more than that, will not appreciate the implication that whatever they are doing is inferior. Just be careful about how much you boast or offer unsolicited advice—people are more receptive to help when they ask for it.
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